so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
