chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
