omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
