I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She is in my trunk
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
