He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Randomize
