Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize