so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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