Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
