Apparently you make a good broom.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
