i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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