I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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