She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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