Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she smelled like a LAN party
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
