i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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