don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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