i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
