I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she told me i tasted like america
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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