So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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