I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
