So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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