after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
