Nicole vs. Life
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
