super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
