and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
