The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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