Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
