Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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