not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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