This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
