ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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