Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
