I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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