quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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