Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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