I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
