I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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