Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
