I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
