god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
