adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
