you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
