No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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