Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
