His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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