his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
