Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
