did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
