I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
