my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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