Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
