textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
