hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
