Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she peed on how many people?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
