have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
