I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
