you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
