The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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