This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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