i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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