she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
