I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
