dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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