I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize