That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
