apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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