I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize