He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
