Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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