its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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