Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
