There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
