I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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