His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm sobbing to NWA
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize