What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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