i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
