You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You pole danced in your parka.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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