just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You smell like a Billy Joel song
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
