Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
