I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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