I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
