I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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