in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
