You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize