Soap is not a condiment
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
