can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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