You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
