I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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