i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
