i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
