the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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