Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize