I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Non-Jews are for practice
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think I won the penis lottery.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
