I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
