Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
