She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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