remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
