So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
