dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
