Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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