My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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