He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
